Reality of cultural diversity between the sexes

There are those who may doubt that there is cultural diversity between men and women. But consider the many experiences of heterosexual men and women who pursue romantic relationships with one another. They come to realize differences between their partner; differences not due to differing personalities. They realize that they have conflict and misunderstanding due to the fact that they belong to two different genders. The man will say, "I don't understand why women [insert appropriate frustration]!" Similarly the woman will say, "Why do men [insert appropriate frustration]?!" When the man confers with his fellow brethren about misunderstanding his female counterpart he finds agreement. The woman will likewise find consensus with her girl friends. Both the man and the woman have discovered the reality of cultural diversity between men and women. This is exactly how we recognize different cultures. Group A interacts with group B. There comes a point where they seem to have conflict or misunderstanding not due to personality differences. Members of group A confer with each other to make sure it's not just individual bias and group B does the same. Upon internal consensus that the other group is "peculiar" in some way, it is known there there exists a cultural difference between the groups.

Let's also consider those beneficial moments when we sit down with the opposite sex to be "educated" on how to relate to them. They will tell us how similar actions are interpreted differently. They will say how communication works differently. They will tell us the importance of the things that they do. They will tell us about the difficulty of understanding our own sex. They are teaching us how to engage in a cross-cultural environment. The types of things that they bring up are the types of things that come up in any cross-cultural interaction. Indeed they are teaching us how to understand the other culture.

What we learn from the opposite sex must be taken to heart. We must be teachable and take a learning posture. Not only do you gain an edge over the competition but you also learn to engage in cross-cultural relationships. The principles you learn from the other sex can help equip you to engage in other kinds of deep, intimate, cross-cultural relationships. They are doing more than teaching you how to win over the opposite sex; they are teaching you how to live heteroculturally!

Marriage, what it's about

The definition of marriage has been seen as too restrictive and discriminatory by many. I think the definition of marriage is critical to the pursuit of diversity. Biblically speaking, diversity is a fundamental concept within marriage. This is because marriage is defined in terms of members of different communities. When one thinks about marriage you must think about what it means to have unity within diversity. What makes a marriage possible is the presence of love. This does NOT mean you are "in love" but it does mean that you are choosing to love. Love is something you choose to do whether or not you have butterflies in your stomach as do it. Love is selfless and is given whether you feel like it or not. Love serves the needs and benefits of another person whether you want to or not. In short, in order to love it can't be about you but rather it's completely about the other person. In marriage it's all about your spouse.

Your spouse is to be of the opposite sex meaning that love in marriage is directed towards someone not belonging to your own community. The love in marriage is about selflessly blessing and benefiting someone that does not belong to your in group, your own sex, but rather blessing and benefiting a member of the out group, the opposite sex. Marriage entails loving in context of diversity; it entails love towards the out group. Marriage is just a microcosm for what God wants to see holistically which is the community of men and the community of women having unity and oneness. God wants to see two different communities have unity within their diversity. As men collectively choose to deeply love women and women choose to deeply love men a mindset of valuing the other community will develop. An understanding of the beauty and goodness of the other community will come to fruition. Once the beauty and goodness of the other community is recognized a genuine desire for deep and intimate relationship with the opposite sex comes into being. The beauty and goodness seen in the opposite sex is the collective character of the opposite sex. The beauty and goodness seen in the opposite sex is the culture of the opposite sex. Desiring the deep intimate relationship with the opposite sex is desiring deep intimate relationship with another culture. Desiring deep intimate relationship with the opposite sex is being heterocultural. Being heterocultural with the opposite sex is being heterosexual. Truly desiring marriage is contingent upon being heterosexual which is contingent upon being heterocultural which in turn is contingent upon valuing cultural diversity. If one does not want to selflessly love cross culturally then one does not want marriage.

Definition: Marriage

Marriage - the union of one man and one woman

Love your neighbor as yourself

The golden rule. The second greatest commandment given by God. Often the question is asked about whom is your neighbor. Your neighbor is simply those that are not you. There are actually two tenants of this command. First, one must first love their own self. Second, just as you love yourself you must love your neighbor. You may love yourself and your neighbor for different reasons and in different ways but at the end of the day you are to love both. If you cannot love yourself you are not truly in a position to love others. Loving your neighbor and not yourself leads to an envy of the neighbor and a desire to be the neighbor since you don't recognize anything worth loving in yourself. I believe the command can be taken both individualistically and collectively and either way a necessity for valuing and pursuing cultural diversity will be of consequence.

If you take the command in an individualistic way you may be tempted to disregard culture seeing it as trivial since the individual is deemed most important. This is a common mistake individualistic Westerners can make. Culture cannot be ignored or devalued even if you are loving the individual because culture has significantly shaped each individual's character. If I claim to love an individual but dislike or trivialize their culture I am not truly loving that individual because I am not loving the part of their character that has been shaped by their culture. Part of loving individuals is loving culture.

If you take the command in a collectivist way I think the consequences are more profound. In collectivist thinking the identity is not on the individual level but on the communal level. It's the idea that "we are and therefore I am." Loving yourself is loving your community, that which is you. Loving your neighbor on the other hand is loving that which is not you, it's loving communities to which you don't belong. Obeying the second greatest command entails having a love for the out-group just as you have a love for the in-group. How and why you love the in-group may be different from how and why you love the out-group but as surely as you love your in-group you are to love the out-group.

The collectivist view of loving your neighbor as yourself needs to be understood and lived out by individualistic cultures as well. Individualistic cultures must identify what communities they identify with and love as a consequence of seeing it as "yourself." It needs to be noted how and why you are loving the communities seen as "yourself." Then one must look at how and why they would love communities seen as "other." As it is true that one has a love, appreciation and affinity towards one's in-group it also should be true that one has a love, appreciation and affinity towards the out-group. This is loving your neighbor as yourself. One's in-group is often the cultural identities of that individual and one's out-group is often all cultures not a part of the individual's identity. The consequence is that loving your neighbor as yourself implies that we must have a love, appreciation and affinity towards those cultures we don't call our own. This means we should have a desire for deep intimate relationships with those of other cultures. Loving your neighbor as yourself means we should be heterocultural.

Proof: Heterosexuality is a form of Heteroculturality

Heterosexuality is the attraction to the physicality and character of the opposite sex. Because part of being heterosexual is being attracted to the character of the opposite sex anyone who is heterosexual sees some sort of shared collective character in the opposite sex and is emotionally attracted to that character. The collective character of a community is by definition culture. Thus, heterosexuals see a culture of the opposite sex and are emotionally attracted to that culture.

Lemma: Heterosexuals believe men and women have two different cultures

Heterosexuals desire a deep intimate relationship specifically with the opposite sex. The heterosexual must see something unique and especially good about the opposite sex to have such a desire. Physicality alone cannot be the unique and good thing leading to relationship since attraction to physicality by itself is a desire for sex and not relationship. What's drawing the heterosexual towards relationship with the opposite sex is emotional attraction to the opposite sex's character. This character is the culture of the opposite sex and is the opposite sex's unique attribute that sparks a desire for relationship. Indeed , the heterosexual believes that men and women have two different cultures.

The heterosexual's desire for the opposite sex is due in part to an attraction to the different culture. Therefore heterosexuals desire a deep intimate relationship with those of another culture, specifically being the opposite sex. Thus, part of being heterosexual is being heterocultural with respect to the opposite sex and therefore heterosexuality is a form of heteroculturality.

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Definition: Heterocultural

Heterocultural (adjective) - that which is marked by heteroculturality

Heterocultural (noun) - a person that is marked by heteroculturality

Definition: Heteroculturality

Heteroculturality - The desire for deep intimate relationship with those of other cultures